明天又是四六级考试的日子，要考试就意味着我得把书从自习室搬到宿舍，早已习惯了被小牛戏称“老黄牛”。考完bec我却依然爱呆在自习室，学习抑或看杂书。也许A型的瓶子真的有双重性格，思想很开放但骨子里却很保守，看似好动有时却也坐在自习室呆上一整天。每每要做出抉择时，心里总会有另一个声音在对抗现有的主张。有时候理智得可怕，但有时候脑子却无奈地受着心的控制。

  考完bec后我很慎重地考虑过未来的路，考研？不，即使身边的很多人说我不考研可惜之类，但我仍坚持自己的信念。我不能太自私，我也不愿承受太大的感情压力，终究是个恋家的人。即使自私点，只考虑我的未来，我依然不会选择考研这条路。但我现在决不是一名合格的英专大学生，至少在我的定义下不是。大一大二几乎被老师，教材，考试牵着鼻子学习，上大三时我告诫自己不要再做奖学金及那些荣誉虚名的奴隶，却不知又沦为证书的奴隶。考完bec 我有要考高级口译的想法，但我已经放弃这个念头了。

  大学，我就这样忙碌着今天的琐碎小事，被外物奴役着，却很少关注自我。近来，在翻译那篇中文散文时才深刻体会到英专的学生得修修中文，去拜访一下中国的各大家，熟悉各家文化精髓。再一次回到高中时代，回到余秋雨，林语堂的指引下看人生，对此刻处于文化盲区的我是十分必要的。当初看林语堂翻译的《浮生六记》只是想从中获得点翻译的见解，再看他的中文版散文也只是为了在自习室消磨时光，却不料让我思想上有如此大的转变。他只是讲述着他的故事，如同在咖啡馆或路边的茶馆闲聊一般，绝没有要强加意识与我，而我却是彻底被折服了。这大概就是他们的思想艺术的高深之处吧。

  如果说魅力女人是一本书，那我现在还只是一张纸，一张愚昧无知的白纸。我很荣幸在上培训班时看到了两种不同的女性魅力. Yi, a single wild lily standing in the city, 有着女性的纯真之美. H，a flowering rose in the bush,有着女性的成熟之美。一直愿意欣赏别人，无论是异性还是同性，只要是美即可。似乎是在欣赏他人中成长，从小到大，从F到J，从现实到虚幻。就连自己倾慕的异性也是从自己幻想中走出来的佳人，谁让我是典型的理想主义者呢。

  后天要去华科了，真有那么一丝难以言传的激动，毕竟那里系有我的F情结。 

Haven’t talked to myself for ages. It seems that I have to turn to English for help regularly whenever I feel frustrated. It is the cycle of my life just as every product has a production life cycle.

I bet the bottom of my life cycle is coming recently. Catching a stupid cold again, fighting with stupid virus, getting desperate pain in the stupid teeth, being rushed into by a stupid guy on bicycle and being played merry-go-round by the stupid MP3……. Anyhow, these stupid moments ended yesterday, so just cheer up!

I really appreciate everything that Ling brings me, from the comfortable SEAT in the classroom to our cooperation on the way of BEC, from her sincerity to her confidence in me. With her companion, I have never felt helpless this semester. We had another talk last night, about her sad stories and about mine. I am really surprised that the rule, “English ONLY” has never made us uncomfortable.

Every time when Ling mentioned that I am strong-minded and rational, I just smiled, smiled and smiled as a master. Maybe yesterday she has also learned a totally different version of me. I tend to be confident and rational, to some extent, but I am still easily flirted by some trivia in life. In her words, however, that’s just normal to a female.